All i ever wanted..............out of life

alls i ever wanted was to be held, hold you
alls i ever wanted was to be loved,love you
alls i ever wanted was to be free,free you
alls i ever wanted was honesty, be honest to you
alls i ever wanted was some sincerity, be sincere to you
alls i ever wanted was to not blow any good things coming, not blow it with you
alls i ever wanted was to be understood, i understand you
alls i ever wanted was to not have to watch what i say b/c someone might take itint the wrong way, for you to not believe them
alls i ever wanted was to seem like the one sane person left on this godforsaken earth, for you to think ofme like that
alls i ever wanted was to randomly speak my mind and say anything on it, you do the same
alls i ever wanted was to be able to say i love youwith out all the aftermath hitting me, u know
alls i ever wanted was to not be judged by people that dont even know me, u ruined it(?)
alls i ever wanted was to be able to breath,freely, and on my own, to bad you cant
alls i ever wanted was fresh open air to think in, you got that sometimes
alls i ever wanted was to walk the beach on a nice col and collected mornig steping on the wet
sand, with no one around, you couldnt handle that
alls i ever wated was to throw out the body pillows and have my bestfriend lying there talking
with me till sunrise
alls i ever wanted was to see the foriegn number and have the voice counter it, you dont get that do you(?)
alls i ever wanted was t know you, and dream of you knowing me but not have you ever hear
my name, guess that got blown
alls i ever wanted was to be able to say alls without geting critiqued, but i know someone will
alls i ever wanted wasto act crazy, and be silly when ever i want especially at 4 am, guess you
took it wrong
alls i ever wanted was to hear your name or see you picture and smile and laugh, think someone
fucked that up for me
alls i ever wanted was to accomplish my dreams and have no one tell me i couldnt, i would never denie someone like others did me
alls i ever wanteed was to beable to be a bitch and be loved for it, and i am, except by a few, maybe even you
alls i ever wanted was for this blog to be dedicated to you, but that went to hell
alls i ever wanted was to start writting again before i lost it, but thats to late now
alls i ever wanted was to go a year without having something physically (not mentally you
ass) wrong with me, friday blew that
alls i ever wanted was to dream, you crushed that
alls i ever wanted was to believe the lies i told myself, now i cant
i just hope those wer lies and you never said that, i only calmed down after sleeping and realizing how many flaws the story had and how it was probably not true, unless you lie
alls i ever wanted was to not have to worry about you finding out who i actually if we talk, but im a different person in realife, this is a a secret home, im sure you get it
alls i ever wanted was to do good and never get bitch slaped, guess mom is always right
alls i ever wanted was to hold on to a dream with no realitys hanging on, too bad i fell
alls i wanted was for youtoactually know the person before making acusations, that failed
alls i ever wanted was a lot, now its shit
i hope to god its all false because all i ever wanted was for shit never to start and for only good things inlife, i have so much on my mind this makesit worse, sleeping for ever sounds good to me, but breathing in another state seems better. i need a vacation, that wouldnt help me from thinkg this though. being in LA, maybe storming the beaches at 5am, but i can do that here, but being across the country from all the problems seems way better, but trouble follows me like a black cloud, now there is two up ahead, thanks for that, iwont for get it. its been rainig bad for the last couple days, maybe if it starts up again tomarrow i might walk in the rain along the beach untill sunrise, if it rises, it ussaly doesnt when itknows i want it to. my icon was "i love walking in the rain, no one can tell i am crying" i loved it, it made me laugh, and cry. you werent able to read it though,bu tmy bff made me a new icon,as a silly inside joke thing, no one will ever understand, i love her bitchy ass,"lol".to me this name has meaning, its not fake b/c i am not a fruad. it is not a joke b/c when it somes down to sincerity, it means alot to me. i chose thi for a reason, simple, yet complexed. first and a user name, then a screen name, then the name on every site i joined not to far after.no one will understand and they will all always say shit about it, but i dont care when it has meaning to me like the old bed set from the first 101 dalmation cartoon movie, i threw sut the sheets, but the pillow case lies in my linen closet, it will never be thrown out, to sentimental. or the doll my grandmother gave me, i keep in on my shelf, i cant let it go.my cell phone that inever let out of my site, but yet its been easier since like i said, it must signal me givving up, but i dont want to yet, so it is curently cliped on to my eminem shirt since the boxers dont have pockets.im really trying, this ment to much to me to let it go. i knoe i kinda gave up, thats why i said ment, im not sure its meaning to me now, im trying to catch it and pull it back to shore and tie it up till i figure it out. wish me luck
(i bet all this is un nessesary since it was probably all a lie, it makesme laugh a little, even if this makes me hate you, i will always unfortionetly love you)

whatever happened to kissing in the rain? or fucking in bathroom stalls? i think its meaning is now gone





"Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end as your lies crumble down, a new life she has. "

tellmewhattothinkandiwillbelieveit