"sever the ties with you!"

I cant take it! I don't like how the thought of you makes me feel! I constantly wonder what the next words you say will be, and if they are in response to mine of if they have any relation to me. I haven't been as active as I was when it came to doing things that were revolved around something or thought of you. I've calmed my self down a lot lately, but I feel like I am losing touch and being disloyal. I am missing out on a lot lately, especially since I rediscovered that I have a life besides awaiting for your words and thoughts and opinions. And I have discovered what I want out of this. A friend, someone to talk with, share things I cant share with others. Someone I can love with out being "with". Someone I can hold and be held b as we talk, but just as friends who love eachother more than life, and maybe in ten years if it brings more, then it just brings more. I wanna lean to be a "now person" and live in the moment, and not worry about latter and the consequences. For once I wanna be free, and let my cares go, but I want you to help me do it. I cant do it on my own, or maybe its just me seeking your approval. So until I get it which I know I wont, im gonna be how Henry every said he didn't want to be. im gonna be caged, and when someone sets me free, I wont leave. But maybe because I've grown accustomed, or maybe because it wasn't you who let me out. His obsession must stop before I "loose my cool, up in hea, up in hea!" because I already made my self "act a fool, up in hea,up in hea!", but as much as I wanna erase you from my mind, I cant, because through this I found pieces of me I didn't know existed, forgot about, and tried to hide. Through this you have come to stand for and symbolize what I have became and who I am. My mind has gone far away. I sleep with the phone on my bed in hope that you will call it because my number has been placed in somany place that you probably passed it up a million times, and I still hope that you will go back and find it. I make myself look like a crazy idiot because I hope maybe then you might give me a second glance. I know you wont, but this hope is the only thing keeping me holding on. plz, if you have a heart and free time, get back to me, because I almost lost everyone I loved in order to try to find you. ♥ that east coast bitch