Just another chapter in my life, don't worry, i know you dont care.

Somtimes when i think of you my soul hurts and screams
Thinking how i could never be w/ you
And we could never happen
B/c you are simply not in my reach
They say how the hot guys are always taken or gay
But they never say how they're not in your reach
Maybe its b/c if you try hard enough you could make something happen
But what if you couldn't try as hard as you wanted?
What if you had restrictions?
You could brake them but you would be destroying your own life
Sometimes being so young has its restrictions
And no im not talking about smoking,drinking or even sex b/c yeah they're illegal in some cases but a million people break them every second
I'm talking about what you can do under the control of you parents or gaurdians without leting them know to much and pushing there limits so they kill you or kick you out
But also not having enough money to support you if this might lead you to travel or somthing that cost money
In your head you can imagine what you would do and how you would do it if you had no restrictions, but the key words are imagine and if
So no one can actually truely try their hardest they can only sincerely do their best and try their best and try their hardest to their restrictions which is not truely their hardest ,only sincerly
I'm set up for falure so bad when it comes to you
I know i haveno chance when it comes to you but i still cant give up
If u give up now i feel i will lose everything i found while reaching for you
Myself, feelings, talents, how the peple i talk to feel and everything else
If i lose the thought of you i will lose myself
I dare to dream but do i dare to relize?
maybe not b/c reality hurts, but you cant dream forever and when you do come back to reality it hurts worst
So why not limbo?
There is no limbo
Life is hard, ther are no do overs or 80 millionth chances
This is life, you live it once
So why spend it obssesing over you?
B/c you have come to symbolize everything i've become to stand for and now i have found parts of myself that were in the dark corners of my heart that i tried to pretend did not exist
I've wanted this for so long
It's like when you want that $300 game and when you finally get it you use it once then only take it out every now and then so your parents dont complain about how you never use it and wasted it
Somtimes im afraid that will hapen w/ you
But then i quickly relize that would never happen b/c i want this so much and love you beyond belief
If you could read this you would probaly laugh then read it again and take it for what it is ;sincerity, truthfull, And appreciat it and love it for what it is
Maybe you would be able to relate
Or maybe not
But you will never read this so this is pointless
And another trick of reality, making us think that if we write it, it will come true or be read
So as i fall asleep in my bed i will go back to my heart which is skeptic, not knowing if i should let it out that i love you or push it to the back where the heart ache will be great and secret and while being great and secret, also more pain felt then ever,it will also be tried to keep as a secret from me
So as you read this, this will be the question on my mind
So as i dare to dream i dare to relize
How sincere this all is, and how someone could possibly feel and think this way and feel this in relation to you
So as i dare to dream i will go to sleep and try to egnore and block out the screams and cries of my soul by planing music louder
So i say good night and i hope this gives you somthing to think about
love,
yours truly,your sicere luv
or love, the little loving, caring, hopefull
dreaming girl,
Angela
P.S. you dont even know i exist
11:35-12:11
4/25-4/26