sweetie, just follow the road you were given and placed on... but whats the point of that?

i dont know what im feeling. i dont know what i want. i know exactly what i want. i dont know why i want it, yet i do, i think i know who i want and why i might want him. my emotions are flying around, its like being drunk constantly. i love spinning around in circles then suddenly stoping or laying down on the ground and feeling the room spin with you in the center, but this, this isn't like that, it's not as great of a feeling. i feel the need to explain everytime i say how i feel for a person, maybe it's because i always mock the situation even though im in it. but i know what ever may come doesnt matter, i dont have to have what i want. just hearing a voice, seeing a smile, knowing my feelings are not shared, knowing not one person cares, knowing when i go to sleep at night im thinking about him and at that moment everyone in the world is being thought of but me. knowing that i just have to fake it through the day just so i don't wash those pills down and empty that bottle. can a friendship be mistaken for a relationship when you're trying to decide what you want? i don't know at all i'll be honest. i can't even write. i'm a sincere girl, im honest, if you let me and want me to then i won't hold back. i'm not a bitch to the people i really love, i am very loving and can make you feel like you've never felt.that feeling you long for, "fuzzy" or what ever you might consider it, it's love and thats al i consider it, i can make that feeling happen. i don't know... i'm tiered of it all, ipush away and wont let in because i've been hurt so many times before. but im willing to try again if you just trust me because then i wil trust you. it's not worth it, keep my feelings to myself, let no one else know and just sleep it off...