my heart and mind are ganging up on me to make me look like a fool!

both my heart and mind still have that little five year old in them, and i dont want you to see that and think of me as a little kid b/c im not,and if i were why would they let me drive?i had a child hood but an adult one. i was never aloud to play n the dirt, but as i got older i was, and then i became a tom boy, untill my friends made me change, but now im half and half. im atuff chick with style. they used to and still do call me an old lady sometimes becuas i worry to much, not like im gonna get hurt physically worry, because we all know i love to try stupid stunts. it was always more of a how will that affect people and how will it affect me, all emotionaly. And not to mention the ocd, erms will make me faint, even though every now and then, like once a mount i will do something tht will give me a lil bit of germs, but not enough to get me sick. you knowwhat it feels like to be told you killed your own immune system? it sucks, when the docter says your white blood cell count is down and you might not be able to leave the hospital, when you are 10, it is scary, u just want to go home after a long day of test. thats why i have calmed down a lot.

Ever look at a playgruond filled wth little kids when you drive by? not in the creepy way but in the envyous way? how they are so nieve to what is actually on around them. hw they are in their own little world and their parents allow it. they have no fears and little worries. i may have been to aware, i would sit with the adults rather then the children and talk with the teachers rather my class mates, maybe i was too intelegent of mature. but what ever it was, i wish it wasn't, because now i miss it, like they say you never know what you got till its gone. and i wish that now i could be nieve, but then again, if i were now then reality would end up giving me one hell of an ass kicking. when your are little you dont relize the transformation as much because it is too quick, but for an adult, even if they are young at heart, they would know and it would fuck them up worse.but who am i to talk, im not better than anyone else so why should my words matter? it shouldnt, and i know this, im wasting my time and your's, im sorry, forgive me?plz?